Children want to know that they are being supported by their loved ones. One of the things that helps them realize this is to have their family members with them when there are important events in their life. This is made challenging when their parents divorce. Having to divide their time between two homes might make them feel like their special days aren't as special as they were when everyone was in one home.
There are several things that parents can do when they are trying to help their children enjoy special days. One of the most important of these is to remember that children want to celebrate small victories in life, as well as major days. Being able to share a good grade or a mastered skill with both parents will likely mean a lot to the child. Seeing both parents on a holiday or birthday might be important to them.
Sometimes, parents might assume they know what the child wants. This might lead to a stressful situation. Instead of making presumptions, ask the child. Take the time to truly listen to your child. Even if they say they are fine with one parent missing an event, that might not be the case. They might be just be saying what they think you want to hear.
Having joint celebrations for events like birthdays and graduations might benefit the children. You and your ex will have to put differences aside to make this work. Be sure that you set clear expectations for others who will attend. No strife needs to take place at a child's event so everyone must be on their best behavior. In fact, having expectations for joint events spelled out in the parenting plan might be beneficial.