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Visalia Family Law Blog

Your parenting plan might change as your child matures

Child custody matters can be hard to navigate, especially when priorities change as the child gets older. It is imperative that you always remember to consider what the kids need if you are planning to make changes to the current parenting plan. We know that you might not be certain about devising a new agreement, but it is sometimes necessary as children mature and their needs change.

One thing that sometimes makes a difference is what kind of school and extracurricular activity schedule your children have now. If the kids are teenagers, they might even have a job to factor into the plan. It might not be easy to come up with a parenting plan that incorporates these elements, but we can help you to try to find solutions.

Child support payments might be challenging after remarrying

Child support payments serve an important purpose for both parents. For the paying parent, this is a way that they can provide for their children even though they aren't there physically on a daily basis. For the parent who receives the payments, they might take some pressure off of their finances.

Both parents need to plan for the payments. This means coming up with a budget that accounts for the money. For the parent who is receiving the money, there are often some challenging situations that might come up.

Shared events can be challenging for divorce parents

The holiday season comes with some unique events. While many of these, such as school plays, are great memory makers, they can also be very challenging. When a child's parents aren't in a relationship any longer, these events can require some teamwork to make happen. We know that it isn't always easy to have to deal with your ex, much less spend time with them; however, your children will almost certainly appreciate having both parents there for these events.

It is best to set some ground rules before the event. These should apply to you and your ex, as well as any other friends and family members who are going to attend. Here are a few to consider:

  • Keep the focus on the children and the event. This isn't the time to try to pass snide looks around or to try to focus on anything other than the kids.
  • Don't bring up any contentious issues. Don't even mention them in passing. There is no need to add stress to what can be a pleasant celebration.
  • Never badmouth anyone. This is a good rule to follow at any gathering since badmouthing people can breed animosity. Remember, your ex is still your child's parent and deserves at least some respect for that.
  • Share the details early. Don't wait until the last minute to tell your ex about something that's going on. Even if you hope they can't make it, your child might be counting on having both parents there.

Reasons why a young marriage may end

There's a reason couples are often described as being "young and in love." It's exactly how you felt when you got married. However, that feeling did not last. Now, even though you're still under 30, you think it may be time for a divorce.

Why does this happen so early? Here are a few reasons why a young marriage may come to an end:

Staying friends with an ex might be beneficial

Divorces often come with negative feelings between the people involved. There are some instances in which the parties simply realize that they aren't compatible any longer and decide to end the marriage. They still want to remain friends. You might realize that staying friends is actually a good idea, especially if you have children together. In these cases, working on making that happen might be beneficial.

The journey toward friendship after divorce won't always be easy. In some cases, you will have to work very hard to establish a friendship that isn't based on a romantic notion. There are several things that you can do that might help.

Prepare your children for schedule changes during the holidays

As the holiday season approaches, parents who are going through their first year after a divorce might find that they are facing some new challenges. You might notice that your children don't seem like they are handling things well all of a sudden. The impending holidays that are clustered together might be the cause of this. Some kids might not know what to expect now that their parents aren't together any longer.

While it is true that children are resilient, some of them might be worried about where they will spend Christmas Eve night. Younger kids might wonder if Santa will know which house to visit. As a parent, your job right now is to help them realize that the adjustments they have made will continue through the holiday season.

Questions that might help you decide if divorce is right for you

Most people don't decide to divorce in a split-second. Instead, there is a lot of thought that goes into the decision. If you are still in the stage of trying to determine whether divorce is right for you or not, you need to ensure that you consider some basic points.

As you go through the below questions, take an honest look at how each applies to your current situation. They might help you determine what you are going to do.

  • What is making you unhappy in your marriage?
  • Have you let your spouse know your concerns?
  • Are you willing to take steps to correct the trouble in the marriage?
  • Do you still love your spouse?
  • Are the duties of each spouse clearly outlined?
  • Will you be happier without your spouse?
  • Are you being realistic with what you think will happen?
  • Can you handle the financial impact of divorce?
  • Will the issues you have continue after a divorce?

Find ways to connect with your children after a divorce

One of the most difficult things for parents to deal with is trying to bond with their children after a divorce. There are often circumstances that the kids can't understand, especially when they are young. Misperceptions can lead to them feeling insecure with the new arrangement. Some may even blame one parent more than the other for the divorce.

Finding ways to connect with your children can be challenging, especially if you don't see them regularly, as can happen when they live far away if you or your ex moved away after the divorce. In these cases, using some technologies that are widely available today might be beneficial. For example, you can read your child a bedtime story using a video chat app.

What your California family law attorney wishes you knew

For an optimum outcome, there are certain things that both you and your family law attorney can, and should, do. Whether you are getting divorced or haggling over joint custody or community property, litigants have both rights and responsibilities — and so do their attorneys.

Below are some important things to understand about your relationship with your legal adviser.

Child support payments are used for a variety of expenses

Child support payments aren't usually a favorite topic for the men and women who have to make these payments. In some cases, allegations about what the money is being used for are passed about. The money is meant to be used on a variety of expenses that pertain to the child. One thing that all parents have to remember is that these payments don't have to be kept separate from other money that the recipient has.

When you think about the costs associated with raising a child, you can see that most child support orders aren't providing the recipient with enough money to pay for all the child's expenses and still have money left after. This point alone almost clearly refutes claims that child support is being used improperly. If the child's needs are being met, child support is likely being used in the correct manner.

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